"The hardest part of love will always be the aftershock. The beginning is tough, the middle is worse, but the end is unbearable, because even if you swear to hate the person you’re trying to get over, you’re still trying to get over them. And it isn’t just a one-time thing. It happens over and over and over, and you feel like nothing will ever be able to prevent the pain from being felt. And why? Because of memories. All the little things. The tiny pieces of what made you fall for that person in the first place all come together and it almost smothers you, because you can’t forget them, no matter how hard you try. Facial expressions, smells, places, songs. A kaleidoscope of what once was but is no longer there. And dealing with that and having to go through the same process day after day is completely exhausting because not only do you have to remember it, but you have to accept that you won’t ever get any of that stuff back. That smell will always just be a smell, not something against your skin as you curl up and sleep. That person in the photograph will always just be in the photograph. Those songs and movies and places are all just things now, holding a faint connection to a fading face. But you’re losing it. And you’re losing it again."
It's the eve of Christmas and we're apart, it wasn't suppose to be like this. I'm here typing this while you're out with whoever and whatever, I wouldn't know. Supposedly our second Christmas together but we didn't even make it to here. It hurts, it hurts a hell lot. How I wish you would just care more about my feelings and actually think about me when I'm not there. It hurts knowing that I'm the one that's breaking down almost every night thinking about you and how much it kills me not having you here. I can't break down to you, I can't talk about it to you because it'll end up by you getting angry at me and by you not giving a fuck about me. So here I am, on this blog typing everything I can't talk to you about and hoping you'll chance upon this and actually know how I'll feel. I've never loved someone so much before and it's killing me how I'll never ever again. I wish one day, you'll find your way back to me because I'll always be right here waiting. I love you Val and Merry Christmas.
